I'm sure that if anyone is still reading my blog, you're wondering what exactly is "National Previvor Day". Well, let me start off by saying, I've never heard of it either until this very second. That's right, I did a search to find the true definition of Previvor(I'd heard of the term, not the day) to share with you all, and came across this newly anointed day. I have to admit, I was a little surprised to see that there's a day that acknowledges someone like myself, who is by definition a Previvor.
What is a Previvor you ask - well let me tell you - "A Previvor is a person who has not had cancer but has a predisposition to develop it. Some previvors have a genetic mutation (namely BRCA1 or BRCA2 -such as my brother and I - we're BRCA1) that puts them at risk. Others don't have this mutation, but they have a strong family history of cancer and other risk factors that increase their odds of getting the disease."
The following is something I wrote shortly after finding out I was a "Previvor" (this was over 3 or 4 years ago and it's not Pulitzer worthy or anything, I guess consider it a pre-blog post) - please note, I am not sharing this to make anyone sad or to feel bad for me. Just the opposite - to understand that choices are made everyday and how we choose to approach them is what really matters most. Life will never be easy - there will always be bumps and bruises and all sorts of things, but learning to love and enjoy what's around you in the process - no matter how challenging - is sort of what makes it all worth it in the end.
Thanks for reading
Living with cancer. I’ve been living with cancer for as long as I can remember. It’s a part of my life, my memories, my future, and it’s something that I’m not sure I’ll ever escape. My mother had it, I will most likely get it, my daughter will be at risk some day and so it goes….
Everyone is affected by something, their lives are altered whether by disease, tragedy or life in general, but we’re all dealt a hand that we are forced to play. What makes the outcome different for each of us is how we play the game. Do we decide to let life beat us when things go wrong or see the bright side and persevere? I guess that really depends on each individual and how the story is meant to unfold.
For me, my story has had a few bumps in the road, some I could have done without but in the scheme of things, happened for a reason. One of those bumps, a particularly big one was cancer. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at 37. A double mastectomy and treatment in her 40’s, ovarian cancer at 50 and by 55 full-on metastasized ovarian cancer which ultimately lead to her death.
I’ll admit, not a pretty picture but a real one. It was a hard time for all of us, each dealing as best we could including my mother. Throughout her bouts with cancer she fought like hell. I’ve never seen someone with such sheer will power and strength to fight something so horrible. No matter how sick she was she kept on going, making sure that everyone around her did the same. There was no pity, no remorse, at least not on the surface, just an opportunity to live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment that was to be had.
You know, no matter how many times I wish I had my mother back, I am thankful in a strange way for what her death has given me. It has taught me that I have a strength I never knew I had. An ability to see the good in situations that are not always positive and that life is about more than my needs but about my family and all the people that I love.
It’s really sad that a painful and scarring event is sometimes what it takes to make you
re-examine your life. It provides you with an outlook much earlier on than most people will ever have or know how to tap into. It forces you to grow up quickly and see life as something that is not permanent or forever, but meant to be lived in the now.
When I learned of this news I was shocked and sad but somewhat relieved to know I was being given control over the disease that took my mother away from me. My family on the other hand took the news a little harder. It’s a tough disease that affects everyone involved in different ways but no one goes unharmed.
Having this information puts me in a strange place. One where I’m not sick but most likely will be. Where I am meeting with doctors and being given my choices as if I’m sick and again couldn’t be healthier for now. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to actually have cancer, I’m not sure it could be too much worse than what I’m going through right now, but I’d prefer not to find out given the choice.
I miss my mother every day and wish she were here to help me with this news and the decisions that I am about to face. I wish I could tell her how much I envy her courage and strength. That for as much as I fought to be someone so different than she, I am turning out to be more and more like her every day and I’m thankful for that. I am starting to see where her strength came from and how she managed to live her life in the moment. Taking charge instead of letting events take charge of her.
As I’ve learned, life is short. It leads us down a road that is often full of bumps and surprises, some that we’d rather not have, but nonetheless all part of the journey.
